I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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