you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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