last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
