My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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