I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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