so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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