I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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