I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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