Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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