Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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