new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Randomize
