Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
