Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
