She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Randomize
