Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
