Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
