ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
