There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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