Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
