Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
