ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
