My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
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