Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
