my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
