No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
