there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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