So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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