Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
