then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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