Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
