Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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