I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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