her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I want to be your penis for a week.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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