and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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