i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
