We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
