my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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