grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
