The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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