Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I AM VODKA MAN
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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