i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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