I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Randomize
