Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
