Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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