I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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