He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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