i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
