great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
