i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
