I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
