u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
