Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
