It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
