there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
