Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
